I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
