It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
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Rumble strips road head = magical
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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