Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
