I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
