You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it hurts more in the daytime
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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