All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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