there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
