I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
