Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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