I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
