What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
