Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
