Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize