party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
worst night to have a conscience
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
