dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
