I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
