we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
