Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just had sex bonerless
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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