Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
