my phone needs a breathalizer
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
