covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
