Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
