he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
