genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize