All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
