Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
