and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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