I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
