i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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