Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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