I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
