He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
