I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have feelings that need drinking.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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