Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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