Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize