Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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