So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
