Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
