you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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