Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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