wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
