Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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