Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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