I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
4 words: hood of his car
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
