one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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