'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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