theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
