Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
