you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
