make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
