Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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