while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
