Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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