Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize