Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
