this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
