Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
