How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
