she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish you could order shots online.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
